


BE

by Moonsetta



Series: DUO [5]
Category: Batman (Comics), Justice League, Nightwing (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics), Titans (Comics)
Genre: Assumed Relationship, Bruce Wayne must die, Damian wants it his way, Dick Grayson has too many friends, Family, Forced Relationship, Gen, Humor, M/M, Manipulation, Wedding, friends - Freeform, kiss, troll Damian troll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-30
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-01-25 21:47:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1663598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonsetta/pseuds/Moonsetta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What IF everyone had gone through up and to the wedding? Damian is Ultimate Troll! For XXXHells Angel of deathXXX and Serisa Black on Fanfiction. 5th installment in the DUO series.</p><p>AKA How Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson got married. LOL!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The Watchtower was a tense place these days and more importantly the Dark Knight was slightly enraged. He had JUST gotten home (back to earth) after taking down an invading army on Utonia Three along with Superman and Green Lantern (Wonder Woman had strangely voted to hand over the mission to Hal Jordon in favor of covering a forest fire in California) and the last thing he wanted was to have to put up with the others any longer than was strictly necessary. So receiving the call from the Big Blue Boy Scout had not helped that he was already tired.

_"I need you back at the Watchtower now."_

_"Tell someone else to do it."_

_"No one else can take of this."_

_"Fine. What is it?"_

_"Just get back."_

Biting back a sigh Batman had made his way back from the transporter to the JLA conference room and was momentarily mentally going over the lecture he'd give the Man of Steel. Just because Superman was a bullet-proof alien from another planet that could defy gravity didn't mean everyone was. Besides Bruce Wayne had to be in Belgium by 8:00pm this evening (which was in just a few hours) for a meeting with Lex Luthor of all people, which he was not looking forward to other than to get it done and over with. He was surprised though when the door slid open and he caught sight of the Man of Steel standing before a short figure sitting on the edge of the conference table.

Superman himself was trying to keep a smile on his face as the short form droned on. Unfortunately, Bruce recognized both the voice and the form even if it was disguised by a full outfit.

Batman growled, getting Superman's attention before slamming the sliding door shut behind him, which caught the attention of the smaller form.

"Damian!"

The shorter form, dressed in a black bodysuit with a white tunic and a white hooded cloak snapped his head towards the now closed door. To be fair at least he did have the decency to look slightly guilty.

"Superman?" the Dark Knight growled the question.

"He was in the Javelin's cargo hold."

"…?"

"The one we just got back in."

"DAMIAN!"

"What? I was bored and I wanted to come with you," the boy huffed, crossing his arms, scowling and turning away, "Utonia was boring though."

"Superman," Batman growled again.

The boy scout threw up his hands, "I'm leaving."

And quite promptly did as he said he would, leaving father and son to glare at and yell at one another.

* * *

The JLA conference room was mostly sound-proof. 'Mostly' being the key word. It was an hour later and Hal Jordon, Guy Gardner and John Stewart had a few visitors from the Lantern Corps and had already gotten approval weeks prior to use the conference room during their arrival. The problem was that they had had it a fair 20 minutes ago but Superman had appointed himself as a guard to the door and it wasn't until Guy Gardner got angry enough to try to get close to the door that the yelling got heard. Before even the Man of Steel's advanced E.T. senses could catch up to the hubbub around him there were many people in the main hallway…all wondering who Batman was chewing out.

_Crash!_

And who had enough spine to act up around the Dark Knight.

"Flash!" Superman said into his comm link as he forced a curious Green Arrow away from the door.

"Yeah Superman?

"Where are you?"

"Investigating that gold robbery in Kenya-that's what Bats told me to do."

"Can you get a hold of someone for me?"

"Uh…who exactly?"

Superman bit his lip out of habit. Hopefully Batman wasn't too angry.

Very promptly, a mere five minutes later, another familiar being was making his way through the crowd.

"Excuse me! Coming through!"

After some pushing on the Man of Steel's side of the crowd in addition, the hero finally made it through.

"Nightwing we have a problem," Superman said, grabbing the younger man's arm and dragging him towards the door.

"I know but Flash wasn't really specific," the acrobat said as his eyes darted from one curious face to another in the crowd.

Finally back at the door and after a successful attempt at pushing the remainder of the crowd back, the Man of Steel dragged the younger man closer to whisper in his ear.

"Damian snuck into the cargo hold of the Javelin Batman, Green Lantern and I took on the mission to Utonia last week."

"HE WHAT!"

"Yes, now get in there and get them out!" Superman begged, forcing the sliding door open just enough to push the acrobat inside the room before slamming it closed again.

* * *

As for the next hour, people weren't really sure as there had been some heated arguing between Batman and Nightwing but then a loud exasperation from the acrobat and then accusations in stereo. There were thankfully no more crashes. Though the dialogue did end up repeating itself from time to time.

_"If you think I would allow you to do something so stupid then you've got another thing coming!"_

_"Mad? I am BEYOND mad!"_

_"If this is some ignorant stunt to get attention-"_

_"It doesn't matter if I was there-I didn't know that you were!"_

_"Don't hide behind me! I'm not protecting you!"_

Truthfully listening to it all was quite tiring, there was no telling what the trio within was experiencing but finally 45 minutes into the next hour, the yelling stopped and silence seemed to take over the entire Watchtower. Everyone was actually ready to jump if anything creaked or squeaked. After the fifteen minutes of silence the door opened a crack and Superman suddenly perked up.

"Clear everyone out, we'll be leaving in a few minutes," Batman said lowly before the door slammed again, causing everyone in the hallway to at least jerk in surprise.

Five minutes later the hallway was clear of everyone other than Superman and a rather stubborn Wonder Woman (who had returned from her mission just as the others were being herded away) when the conference room's now rather banged up and partially dented door opened. Batman came out first, his eyes landing on the other members of the Trinity before huffing and making his way halfway across the hallway. He promptly turned though and scowled as Nightwing stepped out behind him. Damian was surprisingly asleep in the acrobat's arms, his face buried in the man's neck.

Before anyone could verbally communicate in any way or any form though, Wonder Woman hissed under her breath, stormed away from the group and towards the cafeteria.

"What's wrong with Diana?" Nightwing muttered lowly, attempting for his voice not to disturb the silence.

Whether that silence was for the boy he was holding or the awkwardness in the general air, he wasn't sure.

"Ignore her," Batman advised with another growl before his eyes flew to meet the Man of Steel's.

He didn't need to ask out loud.

"Yes, I thought if anyone could save the conference room from you and your kid, it was Nightwing."

Batman scoffed and turned his gaze back to his son and his protégé.

"Stop it, your glare is sharp enough to wake up the dead and he needs his sleep," Nightwing said as he unconsciously shifted the weight in his arms.

"This is NOT over," the Dark Knight growled yet again, proving that he would be growling for a few days to come.

Nightwing narrowed his eyes back into his own glare before he spoke lowly, "This IS over for the remainder of the evening. You've got a meeting in Belgium in an hour, so I'll take him home."

"Nightwing."

"WE will talk about this in the morning," Nightwing said with his very own growl, his gaze motioning to the air between him and his mentor.

Batman crossed his arms over his chest, "Fine."

"Thanks for calling me Superman," the acrobat said, nodding his thank you to the Man of Steel before making his way down the hallway and towards the transporter.

"Are you going to leave this like that?" Superman asked his friend.

"Shut up!"

Yet he stomped after the duo anyways, leaving the leader of the JLA a little offended but much more amused as his super vision followed the Dark Knight, who had caught up to his protégé and son in under a minute. Both vigilantes exchanged a few words before Batman's shoulders slumped. He must have been quite tired and tried to actually forfeit one of the stubborn-battles with his protégé that he frequently won on a normal basis. Superman didn't dare listen in, as he was certain he'd pay for it but he couldn't be tortured for just looking-could he?

The younger man was smiling again though and said something before turning his gaze down towards the boy in his arms. And oh my gosh! It was such a rare treat to see Batman being affectionate but SQUEAL! The Dark Knight didn't take the child but reached out to run his gloved hand through the boy's hair before pulling the white hood up over the dark locks. Nightwing's smile turned into a smirk and spoke again. Superman didn't turn up his hearing but he could lip read the sentence.

'Now was that so hard?'

He wasn't sure what Batman said as Superman could really only see his back but apparently it was something 'OK' because Nightwing gave a sharp nod and his smirk was back to being a small smile and just to throw a scoop of weirdness on top of the craziness of the day the Dark Knight reached out and pulled his protégé into a soft hug, careful not to disturb the boy in between them.

Superman grunted happily before muttering sarcastically, "They are so married."

Unfortunately, the Man of Steel had no idea how prophetic his words were. Even if he had, for all intent and purposes, been honestly joking.

* * *

2 Months Later-

The first hint to the upcoming event happened upon on a Wednesday evening.

They had waited it out. Bruce had assured everyone that they could just wait the entire thing out and IT would be over in the timeline of a few weeks. Maybe it might stretch a month and a few days but it would be over in no time. Given their cases and missions could sometimes last months on end the time period would be nothing to wait.

A simple moment in their crime fighting lives.

Unfortunately, both Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson were dealing with additional issues. They were used to the public media chatting up trouble about things that weren't true. They had endured it all of their lives so it wasn't anything new. The thing was, they were used to the 'boy toy' rumors but it was honestly the very first time that they were finding photoshopped pictures of themselves in the newspapers.

New York's raging newsprint, The Mage Leader, had them photoshopped at an alter with a conspiracy theory written below that they had married years ago, the photo being 'undeniable proof', and their constant 'dating' with women were just cover-ups so no one would guess. But at The Mage Leader they were 'insightful' enough to have uncovered the 'truth.'

Reystown's, The Lampost, had them photoshopped (very badly mind you) sitting together in a neon green hammock at a resort on a secluded island off the coast of Australia (that consequently didn't even exist-the resort and island both). Apparently this was their 'exotic retreat' when they had had enough of the women and 'needed each other.'

Syril City's Day Press had them photoshopped (better than The Lampost did at least but still pretty badly) on a cruise ship dancing on the bow in the midst of a crowd. Of course the story claimed that this meant not only was there 'proof' but dozens of witnesses. The article even quoted a few witness statements that were obviously faked.

"They don't even have Miridin's accent right," Bruce said behind the Day Press that he had in front of him.

A sudden laugh across the room made him glance up from the print to lock eyes with his protégé. The younger man was sitting in the second armchair across the coffee table from him. Both had made a silent unanimous decision to laugh over the stories in the sitting room, so at 8:00pm they were both by the fire, throwing theories back and forth at one another from the towers of newspapers stacked up around their feet.

"What did you find now?"

Light blue eyes sparkled in humor as they left the newsprint beneath Dick Grayson's forehead and met his mentor's gaze, "According to Raleightown's Lettergear, their head reporter, Ronald Freinz, has taken possession of our supposed 'engagement rings' and he's auctioning them off for 30 million dollars each."

Bruce rolled his eyes before balling up the Day Press and throwing it into the fireplace to burn along with older news stories they had already read. He reached for the next newspaper, Ceril City's Gregarious.

"People are crazy," the billionaire muttered.

"What's Ceril City say?"

"Hmm, let's see. The Gregarious reports that their amateur PI, Fredrick Grapple, followed us when we left Galas and Functions and found us making out in the back alleyways of the Golden Square."

Dick laughed along with his mentor and then tossed his own copy of Heraldtown's Spotlight into the fire since he had already heard the story from Bruce earlier. His mentor copied him with the Gregarious and reached for another one as his protégé yawned and stretched his arms towards the ceiling. True, they had been sitting there for about two hours; the acrobat probably had to move, which he promptly did by leaping over the stacks of newspapers, the coffee table and flipping over the back of the couch. The billionaire shook his head before letting his gaze fall to the newest paper from the stack. He had to nearly bite through his tongue at the picture that the Vintage Runner had on their front page.

"What is it?" the acrobat asked as he abandoned his stretching by the couch to walk to his mentor's side.

Now, he did laugh and that made Bruce stop biting his tongue and laugh too.

"OK so now we skinny dip off cruise ships and make out underwater just feet away from the rear propellers?" Dick asked through the laugh that was also making him choke.

Bruce shook his head with a much more controlled chuckle before turning the page to where the story was continued. He found a different picture there and did not hesitate to laugh at which his protégé suddenly had to know what the picture was.

"Apparently when we met up with Terrance Reynolds three years ago at the Westside Aquarium we left for 10 minutes to dive and 'make out' in the shark tank."

"The shark tank? Talk about an extreme relationship," Dick asked with a cough-laugh of disbelief.

"People are crazy," Bruce repeated, folding up this paper neatly before tossing it into the fire.

"At least they're being creative," the acrobat said with a shake of his head and shrug of his shoulders.

"True. Perhaps I should hire a few of the writers for the holiday card line of Wayne Enterprises. I'm sure they'd be a blast at birthdays."

"Oh Bruce, only you could see this as a business opportunity."

"Well, at least the citizens print it. The JLA members just glare at me most of the time that I'm at that Watchtower."

"Yikes. Is there any way I can help with that?"

"Not unless you can get Hawkman's hammer away from him. Every time he sees me it's like a game of dodge ball."

"Uh huh and how many batarangs have you hit him with in return?"

"…13…"

Their quiet shared laughter was numbed into silence when they both sensed a tiny presence in the doorway. They turned to find Damian standing there with some kind of white tape in his hands. Oh crap! Had they forgotten to apologize to each other because of a fight again? Last time they had ended up trapped in a 200 gallon aquarium that was being air lifted to South Korea. Though the tape looked thin like it was just-

The boy walked over and promptly threw what was now seen to be a tape 'measure' around the acrobat's waist.

"Uh, Damian if you're looking to tie me up you're going to need better rope."

"It's just precautionary measuring Dad."

"I can't tell Bruce, is he calling me fat?"

"Don't bring me into this Dick."

"You are in this too Father," Damian said as he withdrew a small notebook from his pocket and scribbled down a few numbers before he pulled the tape measure from Dick's waist and walked over to his father to wrap it around the man's neck.

"Damian, what is the meaning of this?" Bruce demanded as the boy reached out to change the angle of his head so he could read the number on the tape.

"I have told you already father, precautionary measuring," the boy said, taking out the notebook and writing down a few more numbers before retrieving his measuring tape and quickly vacating the room.

"What was that about?" the billionaire asked with slightly wide eyes.

Dick returned his own wide eyed gaze with an additional shrug, "Maybe he's still mad and he's a measuring your neck for a noose. He IS your son after all."

"He's yours now too."

"Stop reminding me, that's not fair."

…

…

…

"Patrol?" the acrobat suddenly asked with a gesture towards the doorway.

Bruce smirked, "Thought you'd never ask."

Measurements though…it should have been their first clue.

* * *

"He dyed my underwear orange Alfred! Orange!"

Alfred Pennyworth shook his head in amusement as he surveyed the young master's room. All across the floor were indeed piles of underwear dyed a bright hue of tangerine.

"I see that Master Tim but I am at a loss of what you wish me to do about it. The dye cannot be washed out and only if you wish for me to procure you more under-"

"I can buy my own Alfred," Tim said, his face glowing in embarrassment before he cleared his throat and mentally forced the temperature of the skin on his face to drop, "I need to speak to Bruce or Dick."

"I am afraid that they have already left for patrol."

"What? Without me?"

Needless to say, Tim made short work of the distance between his room and Bruce's study.

Back in the teen's room though Alfred just shook his head again, if ever two people in the family acted like siblings it was Tim and Damian.

Now, to fetch his heavy duty broom and see to this floor.

* * *

Normally a picture might zoom in on a broken down warehouse, or perhaps a creepy old castle but this was nether one as Slade Wilson was actually at a New York Café, helping himself to some Gold Jasmine before he returned to his hotel. Now he knew Grayson had an eye and habit for flare but these reports were obviously insanity. Perhaps there was something in the water of Gotham City again? Stupid people there loved poisoning the reservoir after all.

He huffed and dropped New York's The Mage Leader back down on his table before snatching the honey up from the table and adding it to his tea.

Then again, this could possibly be a ploy by the Dark Knight himself...but for what purpose? He didn't see any gain the quite ridiculous rumors could bring about. On that note though, this ploy could be one of the acrobat's. That was more likely after all, Batman tended to be logical about his actions while his protégé seemed to always have a plan in storage that made no sense, had no connections to the situation in question but somehow always worked. It was quite the unusual skill and it would blossom so much more under his power if the acrobat would just see reason.

Well, he was in New York for a job. Just transport unfortunately-not much entertaining-but he could go out of the way of the primary objective to keep an eye on…potential.

* * *

He hadn't wanted to ask _her_ but he had little choice as she was the only who he could locate.

"They headed towards the reservoir kid," Huntress said with an angry turn of her head.

In response the Boy Wonder dove off of the side of the building, released his grappling line and swung down to the ground where he landed next to his motorcycle. It was to him, a complete shock to see the Red Hood leaning against the bike.

"What are you doing here?"

"My guess replacement, looking for the same things or should I say the same ones, that you're looking for."

"What do you want?"

"Look I want to talk to the big scary black bat about something in the newspapers, which I found very disturbing."

Robin rolled his eyes skyward beneath his mask, "Fine but-"

An engine roared to life and tires squealed so as soon as Robin looked back Red Hood had taken off… with his motorcycle!

"HEY! GET BACK HERE AND GIVE ME BACK MY BIKE!"

"Later Replacement!"

Robin was beginning to believe by the end of the week, his twitching right eye would become a permanent addition to his facial features.

* * *

"Green Bean? Someone actually named their kid that?" Nightwing asked as one of the digital console screens between the two seats of the Batmobile spelled out the guy's identity.

The two had been on a kind of semi-normal patrol and had found a shop owner talking to a few policemen in front of his store. The two vigilantes had procured a few fingerprints from an abandoned glove and now had the thief's identity between them.

"I pity him," Batman said with a shake of his head, "I really do."

"Maybe that's why he robbed the place?"

"People are crazy."

"You already said that tonight."

"It's the truth-wait! We've got company."

The Bat turned on his angry eyes and reached for the switch that pulled back the top of the vehicle. Standing in front of said vehicle was the Red Hood.

"Jason, what are you doing here?" Nightwing asked.

Ironically it was Batman who was out of the vehicle first, moving around the perimeter of it and yanking the red helmet from the red haired man's head.

"Where is Robin?"

"I didn't do anything to him!"

"You have his motorcycle," Batman growled, grabbing the man by the collar and aligning his gaze to the red and black vehicle he had arrived on.

"I had to borrow it. The kid'll be fine."

"Yeah! As soon you give me back my bike!"

Three heads turned down the opposite side of the street where a black and yellow motorcycle was speeding towards them. In a matter of seconds it stopped before them and Robin hopped off from behind Batgirl, who was quiet as usual. She did take a minute to examine everything through before removing her right hand from one of the dials between the handles. She held it up in a claw shape before using three fingers to point at Jason.

"No need," Batman said lowly with a nod.

The girl nodded back at her foster father before reviving the engine of her motorcycle and speeding off.

Robin marched over, took out his bo staff and whacked Jason in the back of the head.

"Ow! That hurt you little brat."

At this point Nightwing had gotten out of the Batmobile but was leaning against the now closed passenger door while attempting not to laugh at the red head getting hit by the teen.

"Good! Think about that the next time you decide to try to steal my bike!"

Seeing Robin safe calmed Batman down enough that he released his hold on Jason.

"Don't you mean 'steal you bike?' I didn't have to try, I did steal your bike."

Robin huffed and blew at the loose hair hanging over on his forehead, "Don't you have your own bike?"

At this point Batman had grown bored and was retreating towards the Batmobile where Nightwing had decided to enjoy the free show on the hood of the vehicle.

"Nightwing, you're supposed to sit in cars not on them."

The acrobat vigilante shrugged but did mutter, "I wish I had some popcorn."

Batman rolled his eyes beneath his cowl before turning back towards his younger boys and gaining their attention by throwing a batarang between them.

"What do you want Jason?" he growled.

"He wants to talk to you about something he saw in the newspaper," Robin said with a dismissive wave of his hand before he turned his near full attention to his motorcycle.

He had to make sure Jason hadn't laid any traps or slipped a tracker on the thing.

Batman on the other hand was already mentally sighing in annoyance. Beneath the cowl Bruce was certain that he was going to hear a ridiculous 'engaged-to-Dick-Grayson' story that he had already read today.

"Actually I lied," Jason said as he walked past the Bat and around the Batmobile, "I need to talk to Big Bird."

With that he stretched out, grabbed Nightwing's shoulder and pulled him off of the hood of the vehicle and down the street towards an alleyway.

"Hey! What's the big deal Jason?"

"Be home by midnight!" Batman shouted after the acrobat before speeding off in the Batmobile.

"Traitor!" the acrobat yelled back.

* * *

Talia al Ghul turned up her nose at the unconscious ninja before her being dragged in by their only slightly more conscious counterparts.

"Then your mission has failed," she nearly spat.

Only two of her soldiers were actually aware enough to flinch at her voice but bowed their heads in submission. She was such a perfect woman, beautiful and cruel all at once. Desert sun glazed eyes ran over the flinching minions, and then the unconscious ones before that same gaze flew around slightly wildly behind them.

"Where is your Commander?" she said lowly at the flinching ninja on her right.

"Here Lady Talia," a slightly bulkier ninja stumbled in behind the group.

"Where have you been?"

"J-just reading some news Lady Talia."

"What news?"

The bulky ninja gulped before pulling out a sheet of newsprint from his belt. He was about to explain further when the paper was snatched from his hands and his black right glove was probably intentionally sliced open from Talia's long, pedicured nails. He hissed under his breath and wrapped his left hand around his right to attempt to staunch the miniscule flow of blood because darn it skin wounds stung! After that moment of pressure to reduce blood flow he gulped, remembering the story from the paper. That stupid helmet wearing whatever guy had glued the freaking paper to his face in the middle of their fight! His men had had to actually guide him to their ship when their mission to procure a shipment of alkaline metals had fallen through all thanks to Red Helmet!

Every conscious ninja, and probably some of their unconscious ninja teammates, all jumped when Lady Talia began roaring in laughter.

"Oh the fools! They will believe anything! Though now I see why my Beloved has been attempting to reach me. Well, I will have to see him soon. You're all dismissed as I have sudden business to attend to."

"I didn't see anything about Batman in that paper," one of the semi-conscious ninja said to his commander, "I thought it was about some rich dude coming out of the closet?"

"I think Lady Talia is in denial," another ninja muttered where he was attempting to bring the unconscious ninja back to the real world with the help of some smelling salts.

* * *

And it had begun…

"I want the dessert bar over there!" Damian yelled, pointed to the far wall of the room.

"Kid, ain't you a little young to be planning a wedding?" a blonde haired mover with a Brooklyn accent said as he pushed a cart down the ramp of a giant moving truck and into the room.

"Yes. Yes I am. Now I don't remember asking for your opinion, move the dessert bar if you want your commission!"

"Yes Little Prince."

"Ibn al Xu'ffasch?"

Damian turned his narrowed blue eyes from the mover who was thankfully moving towards the dessert bar to do his job and towards a small dark skinned boy that barely reached his chest who was dressed in a light tan thobe that matched the color of desert sand. His ghutra was white and slightly hanging to one side given that he had apparently rushed inside and as a result his igal/egal was slightly tilted to the right.

"Yes Mubashir?"

"They have arrived. In the back, as you requested."

"Excellent," Damian smiled before withdrawing a white envelope from his pocket and handing it to the child, "I will no longer require your services until the next full moon. Your wages are within."

"Thank you Xu'ffasch. Thank you."

"Why are you hiring kids?"

If Damian had not had his, admittedly minimal training from his father, he would have up and stabbed the Brooklyn guy in the face but he held his temper and turned a scorning eye on to the man who had apparently decided that the conversation he was having with young Mubashir was more important than doing his job. In fact, the dessert bar that he had instructed the man to move was now in the middle of the room where every other worker now had to move and work around or over it.

"Because they're reliable. More than you apparently. Get out! You're fired!"

"You can't fire me!"

"I just did. Security!"

Two ninjas jumped from the ceiling, wrapped the blonde haired man in titanium cables and promptly dragged him out of the nearest window because seriously who left through the door anymore? Besides everything was still being moved in and out through the doorways so they were rather packed.

"You're dismissed," Damian reminded the young boy who nodded, said another thanks and quickly vacated the room via another one of the windows.

Breathing a sigh of relief Damian directed two of the men moving one of the carved marble pedestals towards the dessert bar and ordered them to his desired location on the far wall. There, after all, had to be plenty of space. In the back of his mind, Damian was wishing that Dick Grayson didn't make friends so easily. He'd been over his parents' contacts very thoroughly and had to have the room expanded three times, though the last time he had doubled the third expansion as to make room for any future close acquaintances either of his parents would make before the wedding. Though now that the dessert bar was getting pushed into its proper place he could leave the area for a few minutes and go out back to meet the group he had just had flown in.

He gave a few last second orders before turning towards the large window in the back of the room. A single jump and he was outside, his blue eyes clashing with the colors of red and white stripes before him. His gaze took in the workers who were setting up the barriers around the tents and trailers. He smiled in satisfaction before entering the nearest gate and making his way to the largest tent in the center of the area. In no time he came upon a crowd of people, some contorted and multi-colored all throwing comments and questions at a slight pudgy man dressed a black show time suit and top hat.

"Mr. Haly!" Damian called over the crowd, unfortunately gaining all of their attention.

The ringmaster thankfully ordered the others not to crowd the boy as he stepped through and stood before the blue eyed boy in question.

"May I help you young one?"

The boy cleared his throat, straitened his posture and held out a hand in greeting, "My name is Damian, Damian Wayne. I believe you know my parents Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson?"

"You're their-they have a-but this is-"

Damian resisted the urge to roll his eyes towards the sky before speaking, "I'm their kid and yes this is their wedding. Now, I'm very pleased that you have arrived and set up quite efficiently. I admire that. Nonetheless there are some weeks before the ceremony so I want you to report to me of any potentially dangerous or disastrous situations the either occur or may occur. I've taken the liberty of ordering new equipment, a few extra trailers and tents. If you have need of anything you may reach me with this."

A stunned Pop Haly was handed a dark blue and yellow communicator though the boy had had to reach out for the man's hand and wrap it around the device.

"I've got a team of caters in the west wing to see to you and your performers' dietary needs and there's an emergency medical team in the north meeting hall. Ensure everyone has a physical within the next week including yourself. A veterinary tent is residing in front of the palace to see to the animals as well. You have full insurance coverage and your guards should be arriving this evening around sunset. The code word will be 'resignation' and will be spoken to you by a man who gives the name Senor Salason. Now, any questions?"

"Duh…what?"

"Excellent, I'll be awaiting the reports of those physicals," the boy said with a smile and wave before he turned and walked back towards the gate that he had entered.

What-just happened?

* * *

"Oh come on, it's hilarious," Catwoman purred.

The black clothed thief was sitting atop one of Gotham's bakeries treating herself to a blueberry muffin in the light of the rising sun.

The Dark Knight himself was huddled against the far wall of the next building as if trying to avoid the sunlight.

"No it's not," he growled, pulling back a foot that was getting viewable thanks to a small stream of light from the sun.

"Alright the photoshops are hilarious," the woman said, taking another bite of the muffin, "I saw Gotham's Gazette had you two making out while sky diving. Hmm, that's something I haven't tried yet."

In the shadows Batman groaned in hopelessness. Was there no end to this in sight? Damian was being unbearable enough and Bruce was about to tear that measuring tape into shreds if he woke up with it around his neck again.

"I wonder if I could get Mr. Taylor in a plane?"

"You'd just steal his Glass Cat's Eye."

"Not my fault if the idiot wants to walk around with a diamond in his eye socket. People are crazy."

"Title of my life," Batman muttered before his eyes got caught in a stream of light and he said a quick goodbye the thieving princess before he made his way into the shadow-laden alleyway below that held his car.

"Good luck handling your fiancé! He's a wild one from what I hear!"

Below Batman almost banged his forehead against the top of the Batmobile. He would strangle someone before the week was over with he was certain of it!

* * *

Hal Jordon was whistling the wedding march under his breath as he made his way through the 'non-celebratory-dining-hall' as the young kid had called it. The actual 'dining rooms' were reserved for the wedding, the large one where all the guests would eat after the ceremony which he had been lucky enough to see, and a small one upstairs for the newlyweds among their 'other rooms' that had been constructed in secret. All those who had seen the rooms had been bribed as to not say anything. Hal had even been gifted a trunk of gold and rubies to, in addition to some 'funds,' never speak of what he had seen of the small dining room upstairs.

Alas, here he was with other workers of the building that was being constructed by a 10 year old boy. Then again this was the boy of Batman and Nightwing so he supposed he shouldn't be too surprised at what the kid was capable of. Of course, it had been his past as a reliable team mate for Batman and a reliable friend to Nightwing that had procured him a spot in the engineering/blueprint team. The kid had admitted that his dad had spoken highly of Hal's ability in design and construction and that the child was convinced enough to extend the invitation to the man.

It had been a relatively easy day anyways but the grub at the end of the day was always worth it. He wasn't entirely sure how the kid had so many connections but he wasn't going to argue if he got dishes like this for every meal. Even if the chefs were sporting clothes in neon colors that gave you a headache if you stared at them for too long, they made the best food!

He sat in his seat (everyone had been assigned their own according to the groups they were with) and met eyes with a familiar face across from him. Admittedly not many other superheroes or vigilantes were here and most of the Titans were more determined to kill Bruce than help with his wedding but somehow the kid had procured Cyborg's assistance with the lighting and sound systems. The other man was obviously still uneasy about the whole thing but didn't seem too perturbed by the moment to fully ignore the two inch thick steaks on his plate.

Beside Hal a young brunette woman began humming the wedding march under her breath as well.

No one felt like jumping up and dancing like in those cliché television shows and movies but if everyone hummed the thing at least once by the end of the meal-well no one was complaining about the noise while they ate.

* * *

Dick was making his way downstairs towards the front door when IT happened. He had been feeling the normal tension between him and Bruce building for the past few days. Alas, it was a sign that it was time for him to leave Gotham City and return to his penthouse in New York. They obviously needed some time away from each other if they didn't want to have another argument. Who knows, this next argument might be the one that convinces Damian that seclusion from the world with only each other for company for a long expanse of a few weeks would be the perfect solution.

Leaving was in his plans at least. Unfortunately he must have made a forceful noise somewhere on the last ten steps because from Bruce's study-

"RICHARD JOHN GRAYSON GET IN HERE THIS INSTANT!"

Oh crap! What did he do now? Why? Was Bruce already prepared to tear out his throat? They had been moving around each other for the entire day just to avoid an argument.

Of course when the acrobat reached Bruce's study with the childish desire to hunch his shoulders and lower his head between them in shame he did not expect to see Bruce at his desk with his head tilted sideways and one hand pressed against his right ear.

"Uh, something wrong?"

"WHAT?"

Oh no, who had deafened his mentor?

"Pardon me Master Dick."

"GAH!"

Dick jumped sideways and away from the door to see Alfred standing there with an eyebrow raised in curiosity

"Don't do that Alfred."

"My apologies but Master Bruce demanded he be brought an icepack immediately."

"What's wrong with his ear?"

"The result of a very loud phone call I believe, "Alfred inferred as he crossed the room to hand over the ice pack and to end the call that was still being displayed on his master's cell phone that lay upon his desk.

"Who was it?" Dick asked, walking around the expanse of Bruce's study to ask into his left ear so he could hear him clearly.

"A one Pop Haly," Bruce grumbled.

The acrobat's eyes widened momentarily in joy, "Pop called?"

"He wants you to call him…immediately," Bruce muttered pressing the ice pack as close to his ear with as much force as he dared.

"Oh…kay," Dick said, pulling out his own cell phone and locating his godfather's number in his list of contacts.

Thank goodness for cell phones and Wayne Enterprises' worldwide phone coverage plans!

Of course the conversation was not what he had been expecting.

"Hello?" the voice on the other end was quiet so the acrobat smiled and relaxed.

"Hi Pop. Uh, Bruce said you wanted to talk to me?"

There was silence for a moment before-

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ABOUT YOU AND BRUCE WAYNE GETTING MARRIED!"

"OW!" Dick shouted, pulling the phone away from his ear, locking his jaw and pressing a hand to his right ear just as his mentor was still doing.

In fact, Bruce now looked resigned. Like he was regretting turning Haly's anger on his protégé. After all this was Dick's godfather so maybe it hadn't been the BEST choice. Of course, he was still half deaf from his own torture from Mr. Haly so it wouldn't be too farfetched if some synapses in his brain were now firing incorrectly-right?

"YOU HAVE 3 SECONDS BEFORE I GET ON A PLANE TO GOTHAM-!"

Oops! He hit the disconnect button!

"WHAT DID HE SAY!" Bruce yelled.

"WHAT!" the acrobat yelled back.

"I'll get another ice pack," Alfred sighed and left the room.

* * *

"Invitations mailed?" Damian asked the first in a long line of people who were standing in front of the building that was now standing tall and proud.

The blonde girl was the first and she was unfortunately as hyper as Stephanie Brown, could probably be her clone actually, as she was jumping up and down on the tips of her toes as she nodded enthusiastically. Gah! Preppy people!

"And-?" the boy asked slowly.

"200 extra invitations ready in reserve sir!"

Down the line, a 16 year old in a floral shirt was whispering with a young man a few years his senior, "How'd you end up here?"

The man spoke back in a rasp as his breath smelled of smoky cheese, "Temporary services…and you?"

"Dad said they were hiring and I needed money for a new car."

"Excuse me Dreiner, Wilson!"

Both started and stood up strait.

"Yes?" they asked in unison.

"You seem to be having an interesting conversation care to enlighten the rest of us?"

"…"

The child raised an eyebrow but then frowned in contentment, "Very well. Wilson, are all the carved marble pedestals in place?"

"Yes sir," the man muttered before wondering how a 10 year old could look that evil.

"Double check. Dreiner, are the fountains functioning?"

"With double efficiency."

OK, perhaps it was weird talking to a child this way but the kid was paying them all…lots. It was actually 10 times the amount the teen Dreiner was getting for delivering pizzas back in town. The kid must have been the child of some of those rich people and well…there was a big paycheck in it and he wasn't about to tell the kid how much money not to spend if it meant more cash in his pocket at the end of the week.

"Very well. Ms. Florson, Mr. Stone, the status of the lighting?"

"Under alignment assignments sir, they will be complete by the end of the day."

"Very good. Now where is Mr. Haly? I need those physicals."

* * *

When Batman, Nightwing, Batwoman and Huntress found the Joker, he was laughing, which was completely normal! They just weren't used to him lying on the ground, slapping his fists against the pavement and rolling around while doing so. They were so perturbed by the scene when they landed that they all kind of ran out of confidence and vocabulary. The clown had blown up a peanut butter factory for some reason even Batman had yet to discover, and now he was just rolling around in the middle of the street, laughing his head off!

"Admittedly I'm not very experienced when it comes to this psycho so…what do we do in this situation?" Batwoman said, her confused masked eyes meeting the Dark Knight's.

"I knew he lost it long ago, now I know what happens when the locos find it again," Huntress said with a sneer as she straitened her posture, walked forward and shot a gas dart from her crossbow at the crazy's head.

The dart exploded by the clown's face and he nodded until he was unconscious, the echoes of his laughter dying into the near silence of light breathing.

"This is very strange," Batman said, walking over and staring down at the clown hard.

Beside him, Nightwing turned his own weirded-out look down at the mad-clown. Behind them Batwoman was gathering up the stacks of money and handfuls of samples the Joker had collected before blowing up the factory while Huntress had stepped back to load another dart in her crossbow, this one set with a new cable she was testing out.

"You know this is as weird as it gets," Nightwing said, taking a moment to rub his gloved hand against his right ear again given it was still burning a bit, "I mean, I don't see how it can go any further. Nothing's going to surprise me now."

Hm, famous last words.

_Whoosh!_

In less than a second the Joker's eyes had opened, he had shot up, grabbed Nightwing by the head and locked lips with him. It took 1/9th of a second for Batman to realize this was happening and another 1/9th of a second for him to tear the Joker off of his protégé and launch the crazy clown headfirst into the nearest brick wall! Nightwing in response had fallen backwards into two pairs of feminine arms which had dropped cash, peanut butter and weapons alike in favor of helping their comrade. Batman was beside them in a second though, pushing the women away and pushing his protégé to lie down on the ground.

Knowing that clown, he could've had poison on his lips!

"Nightwing, do you feel any strange side effects?"

"What?"

"Focus, I need you to tell me if you feel sick."

"Feel sick? Of course I feel sick! I just got kissed by the Joker! I'm gonna hurl!"

"…he's fine," Batman directed at the women before returning his gaze to his eldest student, "Nightwing calm down."

"I need mouthwash!"

Having been assured the finger-striped vigilante was OK, Huntress reclaimed her previously dropped crossbow and returned her focus to the group's prey before she noticed a piece of paper lying in front of the now slightly –bloody clown. What was it anyways? She walked over, keeping a few senses on the presence of the Joker before scooping up the paper, retreating a few steps back towards the others and then scanning over the newsprint in her hands.

"Uh, Boss?" she murmured.

"What?" Batman snapped from where he had Nightwing by the shoulders and was pressing them down onto the pavement to attempt to keep the younger man from moving around.

"What's this about a resort in space?" she asked, pointing to the paper in her hands.

"Let me see that," he growled, snatching from her hands rudely.

His eyes scanned the paper quickly as Huntress huffed in the background. Sure enough it was a sheet of Newtown's Scarlet Sheets that claimed Bruce Wayne had constructed a Greece-themed spa for his lover in the 'Sea of Tranquility'…

….on the moon.

"HAHAHA!" the Joker wheezed as he got to his feet and stumbled over to the group.

Instantly, Batwoman had drawn one of her own batarangs, Huntress had her crossbow aimed at the clown and Nightwing was still unfortunately on the ground but his hands quickly clamped themselves over his mouth as if it would stop the Joker from kissing him again. Of course, as soon as the clown was in range Batman's fist shot out like a rocket and broke the Joker's nose before he stuffed a gas capsule down his throat and threw him back down onto the road.

Gosh would the clown stay down!?

Thankfully Huntress walked over and placed her foot over the madclown's throat.

"I am getting so sick of this!" Batman growled.

It had NEVER been this bad! NEVER been this ridiculous! These assumptions were the result of pure, unfiltered insanity! Sure there had been some rumors when he made Dick Grayson his ward hell he remembered some unsavory stories about Batman and Robin but they had never been this ridiculous! As the word Robin crossed his mind though, he thought of Tim and shook his head violently. Hopefully there weren't any stories about him and the others going around. Were people really this gullible?

Yes…yes they were- and actually-!

The Dark Knight opened a channel to Oracle as he urged his partner to his feet.

"Need something Boss?" Oracle spoke up; her voice had a slight amused chime to it that Batman did not like.

"How fast can you spread a rumor?"

"As fast as I can type: 385 words per minute."

"I need a scandal that shakes the social world, is only slightly believable, has no logical basing whatsoever, cannot be proven by any means and is plausibly deniable from every angle."

"You sure that'll work Boss?"

"I hope it does. The sooner we end this ridiculous stream of stories about my supposed 'lover' the sooner our lives can get back to normal."

"Wait, what scandal are you going to use?" Nightwing said, cutting into the line's conversation with his own comm link.

"Well. I'll try some, though you and your 'White Night' are still on every front page Hunk Wonder."

"O! You are not helping!" the younger man groaned now that he was steady on his feet, even if he was still kind of leaning against his mentor given the weakness about his knees.

Oracle laughed before giving a final goodbye and ending the call.

"I'll take the money to the police," Batwoman said, shooting her line at a building nearby and swinging back towards the flashing blue and red lights.

"I'll get the clown back to Arkham," Huntress muttered, tying the villain up before calling and speeding off on her motorcycle.

And if she dragged the Joker along the black, broken pavement quite a bit of the way there, well no one was really saying anything against her. In the meantime Batman urged Nightwing back towards the open roads where they would meet the Batmobile, promising that he had mouthwash within the vehicle and that he could have it as long as he agreed to some preliminary testing back in the cave.

* * *

Only Red Tornado, Hal Jordon and The Atom got to see the _upstairs_ and that was bringing about some jealousy but it was controlled and tempered. Two weeks. Just two more weeks and then…the wedding.

Aboard the 4X-R7, an experimental jet he had 'borrowed' from his grandfather Damian Wayne had just shut off the connection he had been using to talk with Dr. Midnight and shut down the tablet's display. There were half a dozen black cloaked ninjas traversing the ship, two piloting it up front. By 3:00am he would be back in Gotham City. All of the measurements had been taken but he would measure them one last time to be certain. As long as his parents didn't gain any ridiculous amounts of weight in the next few weeks their ceremonial clothing would be perfect. His father kept to a strict diet anyways and his dad was too energetic for any fat to stick to his body so there wouldn't be trouble there.

Though Damian had had trouble lately with some members of the Titans butting into his plans with their biased opinions, everything had gone seemingly well. He had even paid good money to keep to news of the construction away from Gotham City and his family. Everything was perfect and it was going to stay perfect. Besides, he wanted it to be a surprise. He would probably have to apologize to his father as he had reported to him that these trips were to see his mother when he was actually seeing to the construction and organization of the Palace.

Oh well, he had more than enough time to call and ensure the rings were ready as he would be meeting his 'secret specialist' before Alfred arrived to pick him up from the airport. Actually he couldn't wait to see them, his choices and designs had been specific but impressive. He hoped they would be well appreciated. With that he pulled his sketch book from his bag, specifically designed with a familiar bat on the front, and opened to the 37th page. Ah! There they were.

Diamonds of course-came with the tradition. After all what would a billionaire's wedding be without diamonds and gold? Though Damian had remembered that while Bruce Wayne could revel in the luxury it wasn't exactly Dick Grayson's 'cup of tea' at all. Speaking of which he hoped Alfred had brought some in the limousine. He could use a cup and Alfred made it so perfectly. So while the design of Bruce's ring could be rather extravagant, Dick's had to be meaningful. Damian congratulated himself for his journey last weekend. Again, he had used the excuse of visiting his mother to cover for his absence. Thankfully it had left him plenty of time to complete the research into the gemstone and metal worlds.

Bruce Wayne's ring was rather…simple despite his normal venue of his public image. The band of course was thick and constructed of a mixture of gold, steel and titanium.

Since gold was the most precious metal it had to be present on the ring, but it was more tradition and showing off than actual construction. Damian nearly huffed at the fact that while gold was indeed the most expensive metal on earth it was useless in practicality. It was a very soft metal and couldn't really be used for much that needed a solid structure. In fact, Damian was now wondering…if there hadn't been so little of it…would it have actually been so popular? You couldn't make weapons out of it like you could steel or iron, copper was a much better conductor, it didn't have power like the alkaline metals such as sodium and potassium, and it wasn't helpful like the metalloids germanium and silicon that were used to construct computer chips-

Damian shook the rant from his mind, his more annoying 'family members' were obviously getting to him. He'd need to see about more mental training in that aspect. He designated his concentration back on the designs within his sketchbook. The rings had better be _perfect_ or someone was going to pay!

As he was trying to focus on earlier, his father's ring was made of a thick band of a mixture of gold, for rich-play tradition, and a split of titanium/lead, for the strength and reduction of pliability. The band was nearly as thick as the diamond bed and plate itself. After all, a strong man needed a strong ring. A large diamond would sit in the preempted diamond bed. The faceted top of the diamond measured two inches in diameter and the whole stone weighed 150 perfect karats. Around the outer perimeter of the diamond on the remainder of the gold plate were ten mini sea pearls, each pure white. Perhaps a rich billionaire would have requested more diamonds or hard-to-locate gemstones, but the pearls would mean more to his father, Damian knew. The final detail of the ring though, did include diamonds though. Small raindrop diamonds made up the two letters etched on the inside of the ring's band. The first letter was a curved 'T' and the second, a cubically dotted 'M' and there was no need for an explanation there.

Dick Grayson's ring was more 'colorful' though less fancy. Damian had opted for silver over gold because while it was still a very soft metal it was a bit more structurally secure. Plus, his dad probably didn't have much love for gold anyway and silver surprisingly had a more thorough and acceptable mix with the structure-supporting titanium. As expected the center of the ring did showcase a diamond like his father's ring did, though this one was only one and a quarter inch in diameter on its faceted canopy. Also like Bruce's ring, the band, though much thinner, had two letters made of small raindrop diamonds on the inside. This time the letters were 'boxed-in' well…actually 'triangle-d-in' one a very low dipping 'J' the other an 'M' matching the one on Bruce's ring. Now, Damian could have procured a number of precious gemstones to circle the diamond but he remembered that too much fanciness would turn his dad away from the design. So regrettably he had decided to choose plain, but easily mistaken for actual semi-precious and precious stones, rare quality samples of quartz. The perimeter of the diamond was encircled by quartz crystals shaped into small pyramids, one of each pure color; a sharp-edged red (red enough to be easily mistaken for a ruby), a rich orange, a a pale yellow, a smoke-like green, a deep, near-solid blue (pure blue enough to be mistaken for a sapphire), a swirled indigo and a fractured violet. It would put on quite a colorful and shaped display in direct sunlight.

If the man had screwed the designs up Damian would make him pay. Very slowly.

A sudden red light on his right side beneath the aircraft's window alerted the boy that they would be landing soon. Finally, in a mere ten minutes the rings would be in his hands. It would be simple enough to hide them among his art supplies. All that would be left for the remainder of the next two weeks would be 'moving' his parents to the island, into the Palace and getting them to the alter.

In fact, Damian smiled and wrapped two fingers around a vial hidden in the pencil pouch that lay across the front hard cover of his sketch book, his dad's Usagi serum should be quite effective for the purpose.

* * *

"What is the meaning of this!" Talia shouted, hoping the tenor of her voice would slightly upset her beloved.

She had sent a request (30 elite ninja) for Bruce Wayne to meet her in her private parlor at the Golden Crowne Hotel in downtown Gotham City.

"Meaning of what?" he growled as he had actually come as Batman.

"This!" Talia shouted again, shoving a newspaper into the cowled man's face.

Black gloved hands tightened around the paper and pulled it away from his face strongly enough that it ripped along the center of the photo that had been on the headlines of New York City's Timeline for the past week. They had their own theories flying around about the duo. Batman had actually already checked in with Oracle to unfortunately find out that her rumor story involving Lex Luthor and a retired race car driver (that might actually be true) had been on headlines for a mere two hours before a rumor about Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson hiding away in a South American ancient castle had people crowding homes of world explorers to try to find out the possibilities. Every other rumor that had been attempted by Oracle had less luck, staying the most-talked-about-rumor for a mere hour at most before another ridiculous rumor about he and Dick was back on the tip of everyone's tongue. Hell, they couldn't even go out anymore. As far as the world was concerned Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson had locked themselves away in Wayne Manor. They only went out in costume as a matter of fact. Tim and Damian had had to sneak to school and back for the past few weeks until their disguises were discovered. Now their school work was sent over the internet but Bruce had breathed through it all as he was still managing to conduct some business via the phone and web.

"THIS," Batman said slowly, "is none of your business. I'm working on it."

"All this time? It was that BOY?"

"He's a man now."

Talia was dumbstruck. The way they had talked, kissed, been together. All this time it meant nothing? He was just playing her so he could be with-?

Bruce had actually come to explain that they were stupid rumors. In fact, he was certain that Talia had already realized it. The woman was not stupid, he knew that. Her intelligence had been one of the characteristics that had originally drawn him to her. He had also come, after pounding the ninjas' faces in, to talk with her about Damian. The whole 'dad' thing with Dick was still too awkward for all parties involved (except Damian himself of course and that that was all the boy seemed concerned about) and he wanted to inquire if his trips to visit her in the Mediterranean were going well. After all, if these rumors were going to stop he had to get Damian weaned off of his protégé as a second parental figure and reinsert his mother into his life. Although there didn't seem to be a rush needed as the boy, certainly after his JLA-trip months ago, had been more social lately. Going downtown with his new best friend, a boy named Colin Wilkes, and speaking with a girl that he had met at the history museum named Nell Little. Having Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson as parents didn't seem to be stunting the boy's growth either way.

None of these thoughts were voiced though before:

"I will NOT lose you to that retarded, star-eyed, thieving, gypsy, CIRCUS-TRASH!"

He decked her.

…and it was so strange for she had never seen his face THAT red before. His eyes had never narrowed at her like that and he had certainly never punched her so hard; so hard that as her body twisted trying to regain her balance from the force that her ribs ended up crushing her right arm between the wall and her own body.

"It's over Talia," he growled and then the lights of the room shut off.

He was gone, she already knew. She wouldn't be a fool and scramble for the light switch.

Over three buildings away the Dark Knight's characteristic form dropped down beside one clothed in red and black.

"Something tells me that it did NOT go well," Robin said up at his mentor/father as the man huffed with the landing.

It didn't take the Teen Wonder long to find that Batman's right glove was stained with blood.

"Yikes! How mad was she?"

He got a grunt in response before Batman was swinging away with a sigh following him. Robin wasn't sure why he was still expecting answers any more. He really should give up on it as it seemed to be a lost cause.

* * *

Finally it was time and Damian was ready. The boy was sitting at the breakfast bar of Wayne Manor's kitchen, going over the list he had placed over a drawing in his sketch book.

-Island landscaping **Check**

-Palace **Completed**

-Everyone's attendance **Assured**

-Food **Prepared**

-Formal ware **Delivered to all attendees**

-Upstairs **Prepped**

-Rings **Pleasing**

-Media **Warned**

-Security **On Duty at all times**

-Ceremony **PERFECT**

The 4X-R8 Jet was ready and waiting in the Batcave, now he just had to get his parents down there and on the jet.

"Master Damian?"

Oh yeah-duh! There was Alfred! Tim would be arriving with the Titans (all to be fitted with electrifying microchips so he could stop them if they tried to interfere with the ceremony) and Damian had already ordered the Outsiders to deliver Jason Todd to the wedding.

"Yes Alfred?" he asked, closing his sketch book and tucking it under his arm so he could move the vial of Usagi serum to his pocket.

"Are you distressed young sir?" Alfred asked, motioning to the copy of newsprint on the table in front of the boy.

Oh yeah, Newtown's Scarlet Sheets was still running that story about the resort. Unfortunately, they had also proven to have quite a sensationalist on board as this David Henderson was now running reports and theoretical stories not suitable for anyone under the age of 18. They were pretty graphic and Damian was certain that if he took the time to look up the man's aliases he'd find the name of a widely known erotica author.

"No, the rumors are stupid. Why would father build a resort on the moon? I know he could, but what would be the point unless we took daily trips there?"

Alfred's lips curled into an amused smile, "Indeed."

"Are father and dad home from patrol yet?"

"Why yes they're in the den. In fact-"

A long whistle from the oven in the kitchen made the duo look across the room.

"That is their tea now."

Damian's eyes grew wide, "How did you convince father to have tea instead of coffee?"

"That is my little secret Master Damian."

He gave the Pennyworth bloodline the respect it deserved. It certainly did its job in keeping the Wayne and Grayson lines in proper acts. The child jumped at the opportunity though and hopped down from his seat before reaching out to stop Alfred from moving towards the kitchen.

"There will be no need for that. I'll get it for them."

Alfred opened his mouth to inquire but the child interpreted the question and spoke again quickly.

"There is something I wish to speak with them about," Damian explained and set off.

A mere five minutes later he had calculated it all out, three drops for his father and two for his dad. Thankfully, he had no trouble pulling off the 'I need to talk with you two' to get his parents, who had been organizing the papers in a case file, to take the tea and drink; though Bruce had been reluctant since he didn't make drinking tea a habit.

Nonetheless, in ten minutes more they were leaving the Batcave. Damian piloting the 4X-R8 jet (newly named as he had updated it personally) with his parents passed out in the back. He would send a private plane later for Alfred given that it would be tomorrow before everyone would have to prepare and arrive.

* * *

Said day dawned…

Tim Drake had little idea what happened. He HAD been fighting…something…right? Yeah, he remembered a kind-of memory about standing behind Wonder Girl as she guarded him from these flying laser blasting robots. He had been working on a computer terminal…he thinks.

The tech Boy Wonder finally forced his eyes to open and he found himself lying on a very lavish cobalt colored marble floor with intricate designs that appeared to have been shaped with very fine gold dust. He was unfortunately on his stomach, so he pushed himself up onto his knees and pulled his hands away from the floor only to discover that his previous theory had been correct as a few specs of gold dust came away on his hands. Scowling, he shook the dust from his fingers and palms before he gazed around finding himself in a HUGE room.

And he did mean HUGE.

The walls were ornamentally carved and decorated with more gold dust contrasted symbols as they stretched a good 60 feet UP. Pillars joined the walls in support, the bases and tops showing a slightly brighter gold as bracers while the pillars themselves were constructed of similar blue marble as the floor but containing a slight more greenish tint in addition. The pillars were absent of any gold dust decorations but had strange symbols carved into the rock all of the way up that Tim couldn't identify.

That's when the teen found that he was merely one body in an entire mass. In fact the remainder of his team was lying around him; thankfully Impulse was already getting to his feet. At least he wasn't alone in consciousness.

"WHO?WHAT?WHEN?WHERE?"

And only when the speedster was on his feet did Tim notice that even though they had last been in a battle, at least as much as he could remember, their costumes were gone-replaced by what appeared to be a variety of silk shirts, ironed trousers and dress shoes for the guys and silk dresses, wire hair ornaments and flats for the girls.

He instantly shoved away the thoughts of someone knocking him out, undressing him, seeing him naked and dressing him up. Hell! Even his hair was combed and smelled like it had been pressed into shape with hair gel.

"I'm not sure but, wake the others," Tim ordered Impu-well Bart Allen.

The Speedster nodded and began a very quick awakening to their teammates. In the few seconds he took Tim finally got himself up on to his own two feet and breathed a sigh of relief that whatever had happened to him and the Teen Titans hadn't left him dizzy or disoriented in the least. Rubbing his hands together he tried in vain to get the remainder of the gold dust off of his skin only to notice that even his nails had been buffed and he didn't recall his skin being that soft. In fact it smelled…

Oh gosh was that fruit scented lotion?

Worst day ever! Apparently they had all been to a spa but hadn't been conscious for it.

"What happened!" Conner said and shot up strait, the force of his shoes knocking up some gold dust off of another symbol on the marble floor.

"Where are we and why am I in a dress?" Arrow- scratch that-Cissie grumbled as she got to her feet.

Oh yeah, she had been by visiting Wonder Girl shortly before their mission and they had convinced her to join in for the mission for…'old time's sake'.

"What did they do to my hair?" Wonder Girl, aka, Cassandra Sandsmark asked, raising her hands to feel at the wiring that was keeping her hair up in the shape of a butterfly even though she had yet to raise herself up off of the floor.

"Tim?"

The voice made the teen straighten up before his mind deduced the owner of the voice wasn't a threat. In fact he smiled and turned to find a familiar face behind him.

"Roy! Thank goodness!" Tim breathed.

The archer was dressed just as elaborately as everyone else in the room. In fact, Tim took a second look around the room and unconsciously counted the mass of gaining-consciousness-bodies. There were a good 100 people picking themselves up off of the floor and asking questions towards their equally confused neighbors and friends.

"What's going on Tim?" Roy asked, frowning as he tried in vain to work off a mass of extra silk ruffles that had been sewed over the front of his shirt.

"I don't know. Last thing I remember we were fighting a giant robot. What about you?"

"I was at home, sleeping, or at least the last thing I remember was going to bed."

And apparently the two's conversation carried because everyone was suddenly giving their own experiences into the open air.

"I was on a date. Rachael is going to kill me for missing the movie!"

"I was making a cake for my niece's birthday…oh my goodness I left the oven on!"

"I was in the middle of watering my plants."

"I'm supposed to be baby-sitting!"

"I was on my way to-oh no my boss is so going to fire me!"

"Hey, kidnapping me is one thing but in the middle of doing my taxes? That's a new low!"

"NINJA! NINJA!"

Everyone shut up and turned their eyes towards Bart Allen who had one hand clamped over his mouth immediately after his shout and the other pointed towards the far end of the room. They followed the direction and found two doors carved from ivory standing as high as the ceiling and by the handle of each door was a single black clothed ninja. The room immediately tensed but then the unnamed ninjas bowed to the crowd before reaching back to grab hold of the door handles and pushing them. Both decorated doors swung open as the ninja continued to follow them outward.

_Click!_

The doors locked in place and the ninja retook their previous stances by the edge of the doorway. They turned to one another and simultaneously motioned the crowd within to the larger room outside.

"Tim, what do we do?" Conner asked the half-human, half-kryptonian walking over and sneaking a hand into Wonder Girl's as he kept his focus on the ninja.

"I guess we-"

The teen did not get to finish his sentence though before Roy Harper (who had finally given up his battle with the overabundance of lace on his shirt) stomped over to the left ninja and grabbed him by the throat.

"Where are we? Who do you work for? What do you want?"

The now choking ninja just motioned to the larger room again and just at that second…bells began ringing.

"Huh?" someone in the crowd muttered.

Confused, Roy dropped the ninja and then walked through the doors. Tim quickly followed, motioning the remainder of the Titans to do the same. In under a minute the room was empty.

The civilian teen wonder hadn't expected to see so many familiar faces sitting in velvet cushioned white marble chairs. Unfortunately, one caught his eye which was also unfortunately his brother.

"What are you doing here replacement?"

"Jason! What's going on?"

"You don't know?"

"NO! I DO NOT KNOW! WILL SOMEONE GIVE ME AN ANSWER!"

"Whoa, chill Boy Wonder. I mean half of me can't believe they went through with it, but the other half me just doesn't care that much anymore."

"Who went through with what?" Roy asked from behind Tim as he walked up to the duo.

"Look we all know The Big Bad Black Bat has issues. Like father, like son. The Demon Spawn has issues too. He wanted Blue Bird and The Bat to be his mommy and daddy."

"I'm…confused," Tim admitted.

Yeah, Damian had been making his want of Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson to be his parents pretty dang clear and the news stories as of late hadn't been helping matters but-

"Replacement, only the Little Demon would do this. I mean the whole thing, that's-that's just fucking trolling!" Jason said.

"What is?" Roy asked the fellow red head.

"You two just missed it," Jason angrily insisted with a tired huff.

"Missed what?" Tim demanded.

His brother pointed upwards to a structure, some kind of mock catwalk, near the top of the 60ft ceiling. The center was a large circular stage, covered in roses and on it-

-Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson were kissing.

Tim-passed out.

Roy-saw red.

Jason-left to find if the palace party had any beer.

He was going to need it.

* * *

Later Jason refused to get drunk though because he wanted to see this. While everyone was making a racket in the dining hall he had just left, he followed the sound of familiar yelling to a back room. It was just that when he opened the door he DID expect to find the newlyweds, he just hadn't expected THIS.

He came in just as Roy Harper had gotten himself away from Dick Grayson's head lock and charged Bruce Wayne, shoving the man into the nearest wall with his hands around the billionaire's throat. Jason wondered for a second why the acrobat didn't go after the archer but then found that the acrobat was pretty busy holding back an enraged Pop Haly, who he quickly learned carried a sword cane for some reason!

Eh, not good.

"I'm done! You're a dead man Wayne!" Roy shouted in the older man's face.

"Hold him boy I get to stab him!" Pop Haly growled.

"Pop please you're being hasty!" Dick pleaded, trying to pull his godfather towards the now open door where Jason stood.

"Hasty my boy? When I'm done stabbing Wayne I'll show you hasty because you'll be getting my cane across your backside!"

Jason also noticed out of the corner of his right eye that Tim was in the furthest corner of the small room, his phone by his ear as he pleaded with someone for help.

"It wasn't our faults," Bruce said with his last free breath.

"Then whose was it?" Roy growled.

"It was Damian!" Dick shouted finally releasing his godfather but successfully grabbing the sword cane from his hands.

"Ah ha!"

Roy growled again, giving Batman a real run for his money, "He didn't force that! You two were lip-locked! Swapping spit! And now I'm going to kill you Wayne!"

"Roy please don't!" the acrobat across the small room begged.

"Give me back my cane Dick. Now!"

"Sorry Pop, but not until you two-well you at least calm down. Roy, I'm not sure he can."

Finally Bruce croaked out, "Can't breathe."

"Don't worry; you won't be breathing for much longer!"

"Damn, this got entertaining real fast," Jason joked, finally drawing the attention of everyone in the room.

"Jason, what are you waiting for? Get Roy away from Bruce," Dick ordered, finally deciding to throw the sword cane out into the hallway where his godfather couldn't reach it.

"Hmm…nah!" Jason said with a wave of his hand and a big smile.

"Roy please, it WAS Damian," Dick pleaded, trying to reach out and pull his friend's hands from his mentor's throat while continuing to try to keep himself between his mentor and godfather.

"Damian didn't make you two-"

"Yes he did. When we woke up we were already at the altar, tied together, and he put these magnets in our mouths."

"He what?" Roy and Pop both said in confusion.

Bruce finally got enough air to assist his protégé in getting the archer's hands from his throat, "My son orchestrated all of this."

A few coughs and Bruce spit out a small sparking metal disk that quickly starting flying towards Dick before he too coughed out one and the two hit each other in midair, spinning a few times before plummeting to the ground with a loud _clank_!

It got freaking quiet.

…

…

…

"I hate that kid," Tim muttered, finally closing his phone.

* * *

Optional-Read Epilogue:

Damian smirked as his last dagger hit the target dead-center.

"Good job Damian."

"Thanks Dad."

"You third dagger was off by two degrees," Bruce grumbled.

All three were in the cave suited up, sans their masks/cowls, and now the boy was scowling.

"Oh Bruce, you can at least admit that it was an adequate job."

"His aim is still off Dick."

"But his speed and technique have improved dramatically."

"Alright, that I will admit. However his speed won't matter if he can't hit the target."

"Bruce, most of the things that we throw Batarangs at are over two centimeters of length. I really don't think it matters."

"Then this entire exercise would be moot."

"Are you two going to fight again?" Damian asked, leaving his post from the Range and narrowing his eyes determinedly at his parents.

"No, we're not going to fight," Bruce said, cutting off his partner who almost got to start speaking.

"Tt!"

Bruce almost groaned in hopelessness. Everything since the 'wedding' had been…awkward. Damian had even righted himself saying that he would not allow history to repeat itself. If his parents were going to throw themselves in front of the likes of the Joker and Mr. Freeze then he was going to be there with them.

No matter what!

But-

AND THERE WOULD BE NO ARGUMENTS!

The child had actually adopted his previous outfit he had brought from what he deemed his 'previous life' with Ra's Al Ghul. The same one he had used when he had sneaked onto the Javelin on the Watchtower. He had updated it of course though, more armor came without saying and he was very particular about having a lot of pockets and straps for weapons. The black body suit seemed to be mainstream for the kid, a white tunic provided an extra line of armored protection, white boots and gloves gave strength and stability to his ligaments. His love for the large cloak that he seemed to inherit from his father ended in a white hooded cloak dusted with an undertone of gray and he swept aside the thought of a cowl, keeping the hood and affixing a small black mask to his face. He was determined on the sword front though, so a black sheath always stayed strapped to his hip. He had taken tool/weapon storage to an extreme though, winding a double layered utility belt around his waist to hold even MORE weapons.

"Well it's already 11:00 anyways. Go up to bed Damian," Bruce ordered.

"Why?"

"Because it's your bedtime."

"Why?"

The billionaire's dark blue eyes shot over to a pair light and bright: Help?

"Damian, go upstairs and get ready for bed. I'll be up in a bit," Dick said quietly.

"Wh-"

"I promised I'd tell you about the Yacht mission, remember? I think it's the perfect night for it."

"OK..."

And Damian was off towards to the changing area in a slightly faster pace than he had been moving at before.

"How do you do that?" Bruce asked helplessly.

The younger man just shrugged, "I'm not really sure. I like the kid."

"Dad!" Damian shouted from the elevator that lead up to the Manor.

Dang that kid could move fast when he wanted to!

"Go on up! I just need to talk with Bruce a little first!"

"…ten minutes. You better be there or I'll come after you!"

"Deal!"

The minute the elevator closed though, Dick Grayson's gaze was back on his mentor with clear desperation.

"Well, what did you find out?"

The billionaire's head dropped forward and down and his eyes shut tightly, "Damian technically OWNS the island."

"Who the hell sold an island to a 10 year old? Is that even legal?"

"It was a gift from his grandfather on his 8th birthday. Damian owns it completely and every contract and agreement with nearly every nation on this planet has been approved."

"Wait a minute! You're telling me that Damian doesn't just have an island…it's a legit Nation?"

"Affirmative."

The acrobat slapped a hand over his forehead, his face burning in embarrassment.

"Please tell me international law has something against this?"

"It doesn't. The marriage is full-proof and binding."

"Ugh, this is the worst day of my life!"

"Really?" Bruce raised an annoyed eyebrow at his apparently now married partner.

"I'm married to Bruce freaking Wayne, Gotham's Most Eligible Bachelor and the God Damn Batman! It can't get much worse!" Dick complained, throwing himself into a nearby computer chair.

"Alright, now you're just insulting me," Bruce growled with a glare.

"Oh get used to it…sweetie."

...

"…is there anything we can do?"

"There is a clause in a European bill-"

"Good!"

"-but it would mean we'd have to find proof of oppression-"

"I've been forced to marry you-that's the greatest oppression there is!"

"Are you done insulting me yet?"

"…for the moment…go on. What about the rest of it?"

"It would also mean providing this proof to three power house Nations-"

"I can take care of that."

After all it had been awhile since Nightwing had swung around the world to visit all of his friends. Superman could get America, Knight and Squire could get Britain and Bushido and Katana could help with Japan or he could call on a multitude of other friends in other countries.

Bruce obviously still hated being interrupted though, which made the situation a little bit funny to relieve the stress.

"And aligning ourselves with and gaining support of the previous owner/ruler. Then we take the whole thing to court."

"You mean we'd have to convince Ra's al Ghul to sue his own grandson?"

"-and then that's only if we could convince him to nullify the marriage afterwards...if we convinced him to sue...and if we could even win..." Bruce finished.

"So, we're doomed."

"…yeah."

"My life is over!"

"…"

"…"

"...So, what do you plan to do?" Bruce asked, though his mind was already cataloging the disaster ahead.

Dick rubbed his eyes in irritation, "I don't know Bruce. I just married you this morning and had to deal with an all-out war between metas afterwards. Give it time to sink in. Oh my gosh, my life really is over."

"New York?"

"I don' t know Bruce!"

…

"Damian's waiting for that story."

"Yeah," Dick breathed, walking towards the changing area, "I'm going."

Bruce turned back to the files on a nearby desk. Leave it to his son to come up with a contract so air tight!

Tim was at Titans Tower, still unconscious from his teammates' reports, Alfred had simply nodded at the news, Leslie had come after Bruce with a needle, Jason had disappeared again, Barbara was not talking to ANYONE, Cassandra was confused by the whole thing, Stephanie was trying to explain it to her, the founding members of the Titans were still sending Batman death threats, Deathstroke had sent them a fruit basket (surprisingly neither poisoned nor explosive in any way) decorated in black and blue, Superman was being as supportive as possible-though for which side Bruce wasn't certain, but the civilian media did not have a scrap of the story strangely. Apparently all of their friends had kept tight-lipped about the whole thing, which Bruce was grateful for.

"Why don't you come with me, honey?"

Bruce turned to find Dick in a red Hudson University t-shirt and gray sweatpants, the acrobat had a head turned towards the elevator.

"Do not call me that."

"Fine," Dick shrugged, "I mean it though. You are his father, you could tell him a bed time story yourself once-in-awhile."

"I'm-not very good at that."

"Yes you are and I know IT."

"Dick-"

"I know IT. You do great voices and hey Damian could probably help with that!"

"...Five minutes."

The younger man frowned but nodded before turning to the elevator, "We'll be timing you!"

"Of course Lovemuffin," Bruce muttered.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!"


	2. DUO Timeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I created a new color-coded timeline for this insane series. Yay?

[](http://s1381.photobucket.com/user/MoonsettaRays/media/tumblr_nkteie0yiQ1s99hymo1_1280_zpseo6csntm.jpg.html)

Thanks for reading! Use whenever you're lost.


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